All this time the show was being delightfully vague about where these outrageous crimes against Enid were being committed and by whom, other than the "political correctness squad." It doesn't take much thinking to realise that this is clearly a publisher's commercial decision, not a motion carried by the Feminazis of Colour Collective, and a commercial decision entirely aimed at adjusting Blyton's books to the wish of American children not to have to read about what Pecker and Arse did with Silky and Moonface. Bessie is just a daggy old name, not one with any particular negative racial associations. TT is brimfull of bollocks. But you knew that already!
Anyway, the PC squad have been too busy down in the trenches with the Burney Society, who have finally overcome Stateside superstition and reverted to using the form of christian name preferred by the novelist herself:
Beneath the quirkiness, however, a serious battle is raging, a battle that can be summed up in a simple choice: Fanny or Frances? Burney studies have been rocked by the schism between our bufferish enthusiasts - the "Fanny" brigade - and a new wave of North American feminist critics - the "Frances" camp - to whom Burney is a courageous crusader against patriarchal hegemony who should never be demeaned by a diminutive, especially this one. "Of course," the member next to me whispers, blushing, "to them 'fanny' means - you know."
The North Americans are better funded and organised - most of Burney's papers have been snapped up by Montreal's McGill University for, gallingly, the "Frances Burney Archive". But the English are fighting back: splitting away from the parent Burney Society of North America (for, intriguingly, "tax reasons") and mounting a rearguard action against all this foreign "Frances" nonsense.
"If 'Fanny' is good enough for Jane Austen, it's good enough for us," a woman at the back pipes up, to general agreement. "Thank you," a Burney biographer replies, choked with emotion. "Thank you for supporting our Fanny." It's a patriotic sentiment as true, and as fervent, as any whipped up by Owen or Rooney.
Hooray for the Fanny Burney Society.